Malarkey's Tavern: Spicy Buffalo

Even though I may be wing royalty, as hard as it may be to believe, I still do have a day job to fund the United Wingdom.  Chicken wings, as you know, are a delicacy and the finer things in life definitely have their price.  So I've been meaning to go out and have a beer with my coworker Tubbs for a while, and thanks to restructuring within the company, schedules have been shaken up, and the opportunity presented itself.  We agreed that after we both got off work, we would meet up for a beer at Malarkey's Tavern in North Dallas (http://www.malarkeystavern.com/appetizer.html).  It is located near Trinity Mills and the Dallas North Tollway, which happens to be just a few short blocks from my castle.  This proximity makes for an excellent getaway at the end of the night after someone tries to fight you for telling their best bro that they look like Steve Lukather; lead guitarist from Toto.  Or whatever, you know.  Malarkey's Tavern is a smallish pub-style environment with a wide beer selection at very reasonable prices for those of you who are into that sort of thing.  Which I am.  Having gone there over the years occasionally, I can't say I've actually had the food, but that all changed on this night.

Let me rewind.  Earlier in the day, Tubbs and I had decided we'd go grab a beer after work.  As the day wore on, the projected beer total quickly escalated.  It seems that the projected beer total is directly proportional to how much crap we have to put up with from angry clients.  So after we were both off, we met up at Malarkey's, and quickly got down to business.  Apparently it was a rough night after I left work, so Tubbs was ready to do some damage.  Things escalated quickly after downing a few imported beers that I can neither remember the name of nor actually pronounce if I tried.  Then we kicked it up a notch with a Victory Golden Monkey (9.5% ABV).  This powerful concoction is not to be taken lightly.  It has a very unique flavor that I could only describe as "spicy".  Not in the heat sense, but in the sense that it tastes like it was brewed with a blend of secret Belgian herbs and spices passed down for generations from famous Belgian kings and wafflemakers.

So at this point in the night, feeling quite jolly, it is decided that we should get a little food in us, and wings are decided upon.  After we manage to flag down a server behind the bar (apparently they aren't too interested in seeking us out to take an order), we put in the order and go for Spicy Buffalo flavor, along with a side of ranch and celery sticks as advertised.  After a few more minutes discussing the deeper meaning of life (i.e. drinking Victory Golden Monkey and complaining about work), our plate arrives.  It is showtime.  Tubbs has heard a lot about my status as the King, and I do not want to disappoint.  The wings arrived, and things were somewhat disappointing.  The wings are average to below-average in size.  They are not crispy, and perhaps slightly oversauced.  And as you can see, the celery sticks provided appear to be a few pieces of loose lettuce.  Hey, at least the ranch dressing was right.  So Tubbs calls back the server and asks for the celery sticks, and a few minutes later a plate of celery sticks arrived which I'm sure were spit on.  Oddly enough, that didn't stop us from eating them.  The wings themselves had a decent flavor in the sauce, but not any real heat.  We debated for a while the merits of these wings, and I explained to him the secrets that I look for in a good wing, and we decided these might be a solid 6.5 on the scale overall.  Not too shabby for random pub food.  We continued discussing life's great mysteries over our brews for a while longer before going our separate ways and disappearing into the hot summer night.

After waking the next morning, trying to find the ibuprofen, replenishing my electrolytes, wondering how I got home, and why my car was parked halfway on the front porch, I felt it necessary to revisit the judgement made on the wings from the night before.  In retrospect, I feel I might have gotten a case of the beer goggles.  Except for chicken wings.  If those of us who may or may not have been a little tipsy felt it necessary to award these wings with a 6.5, I can only think that in a state of sobriety these wouldn't have scored so high.

So while I thoroughly enjoy Malarkey's Tavern as a whole (home of the FIVE DOLLAR PIZZA ALL DAY EVERY DAY supposedly), I can't say I was thoroughly impressed with the wings.  I mean, if I go back, I would get them again to try some different flavors, but unfortunately Malarkey's won't be in the regular rotation when I get a craving for wings.  When I get the craving for another Victory Golden Monkey?  There's only one place to go; Malarkey's Tavern.

Malarkey's Tavern Spicy Buffalo:

Flavor: 5.5

Heat: 3.5

Overall: 5.5